bad day

with response to the previous entry. i am pretty ok now.
just that facing my dad gives me alot of stress and driving with him every sunday is starting to become a dreaded event. i have to face my insercurites, stress and fears. last sunday was a pretty horrible cuz my stress triple and threatented to explode when my dad blew his top over my parking. his face was red and he kept yakking. as a kan chiong spider, the worst thing to happen to me is stressing and my mind will go blank. but as her daughter, i should have known his temper but there are just some obstacles that seem impossible to overcome.

i guess its just a bad day of stress and insecurities.


i know SIM is pretty much a stress-free sanctuary. no assignments, hardly any tests and the tests don't even count for the end of the year results. but for the same reasons, i am lost and it stresses me up. i have really no idea if i am getting what the lecturers want to convey. the only thing left for me to do is to pay attention. it simply gets worse when i realise i don't understand some things.

i was never a person who has great foresight and attempt to plan my life ahead. i am always procrastinating and never do anything till the last moment. but past events have polly changed this part of me. the present me is slaving for the final exam that is going to take place in may 2007. the conflict of interest is driving me mad cuz i wanna enjoy life like i used to. reflecting on the past 20 years of my life. i seriously feel that i have wasted my life pursuing papers. very cliche i know but for the next three years of my life, i am still chasing that piece of paper and hoping to nab the honors and get a good job.

it is so fucking meaningless.


the only reason i am only doing it is cuz i am conforming to society, hoping to make my parents proud.